CEDARHILL

Helen's 97th Birthday!

Helen turned 97 last week and John and Sue threw a big party for her at their house. She draws a pretty big crowd - even at this age. She's got alot of friends who like to keep track of her and celebrate those milestones!.And John & Sue put out quite the spread!

Happy Birthday Helen!

You are a most amazing person!

A sage observation

Helen Armer is a fan of Westerns so Guy puts on the old Westerns channel many times to provide some entertainment. This evening as Guy and Helen watched an old Clint Eastwood movie.... After pausing in front of tv and watching the typical Clint Eastwood shoot-it-out scene with the bad guys..... Mother came wheeling into the kitchen this evening and said, "Well, the moral of that story is when two sides are shooting at each other.....................................you should lay low."

Good Advice.

. 

A midnight run

Helen Armer said she was upset that mother didn't ask her to go along.

And we all marveled that we didn't hear a thing as Mother wheeled herself out of the back door the other night at midnight and navigated - in the dark-around to the front steps with her wheelchair, where a guy walking down to Kellys bar found her sitting on the front stoop in her flannel PJs. He walked on down to Kelly's and told Kelly (the bar owner about the old woman on the steps) and Kelly knew enough to tell Donna, who happened to be there and Donna zipped up the block and got mother back in her wheelchair and back in the house.

When i heard donna's voice yell up the stairs at midnight I knew something was up. When I found out what it was...my heart just about jumped out of its socket.

Somehow, the lever on the safety lock for the back door had been left in the un-lock position. With the nice weather we've been letting mother go in and out as she wants and I forgot to check the lock. I realize I had a moment of un-estimating dementia. A normal person, upon opening the door at midnight might decide it was too dark and too cold to go out. But not, it seems if you have dementia.

Lesson learned! And grateful for the blessings of a small town where everyone knows everyone. And just who to talk to when they find mother on the front porch in her pajamas at midnight.

For someone who has never been a parent, I am learning about the responsibility of shepparding someone through life and having moments of feeling pretty content with that...and then, like Friday night, feeling pretty inadequate in the task. Still- I wouldn't trade our life together for a more sterile-safe environment of a nursing home. When I woke mother up the next morning I asked her how she'd slept.

"Oh just greeat! she said. "I always do." So, only one of us had a sleepless night.

And so it goes. One step back, One step forward.

~L         

Ashes to the wind...or water

The topic around the patio table this morning was about places to spread one's ashes. There was an article in the Az Republic about a new industry which has sprung up to help families accomodate the last wishes of loved ones to be spread ....sometimes in far off places. IE: a lake in Ireland. The cost is anywhere from $200 to $1200 to have someone else transport the ashes, do a little ceremony and record it on video.

So Ev and I were discussing where we would like OUR ashes to be scattered. She was clear about it. Some lake in Leadville. Her kids know about it. I was not as clear. The Flint Hills of Kansas have been some of my finest roots....and perhaps that would be the place. Although, there would be a certain sense of satisfaction by just be sprinkled around the grounds here at Cedarhill.  As for mother, she took a more practical approach. "Well, i think it is more important to make it easy for those coming up behind you. If you make it too difficult...you may be ignored. And...at that point,... I don't think I will really care." Spoken like a practical Kansas farm girl.

Answer the question I asked please...

Mother came into the kitchen this morning about 6, and asked me if I knew how to light the little wall, gas heater on the back porch. I replied that we didn't need to re-light that, since the morning would warm up in about an hour and the house would feel fine after that. There was a pause. And then she said...But that isn't what I asked you. (No, no it wasn't) So, I told her Yes, I did know HOW to light the gas wall unit. Thank you, she said, and wheeled out of the kitchen.

Dog vs Cat Person vs Dog

Guy brought his little dog Taz over for a CedarHill visit. The day seemed to be going pretty well for both Taz and mother, until Bob cat showed up and took a personal dislike to the small dog. He "rolled him into the corner" and then stalked off to the back porch. Taz spent the rest of the day riding around on Mothers lap while she wheeled her chair through the house. Both, on the look out for Bob.

But about mid -day, the logistics of the house demanded that we put Taz "some place safe" while I was out and Guy was busy with other things. So we rigged up a wire gate to the back porch, shut Taz on the porch and Bob in the main house (so they could socialize through the gate and not end of "rolling in a death grip"...

Again, this seemed like a workable solution to all concerned, until Mother wheeled into the kitchen and found her route to the Back Patio (where she smokes outside) cut off by Taz's safety door.  She had forgotten (of course) why the gate was there and when Guy explained the situation , she complained in an ever-so-subtle way, saying..but, but, but......" That doesn't seem right. HE's a dog...and I'm a person."   

(Not to mention that Taz could care less about smoking on the back patio...and mother cares alot )

Another Phase begins

My focus these days has not been on photography ...or even the Times, but on mother-care. With the changes taking place at her assisted living facility and the concerns I have with management, it became obvious that she and I would need to come up with a new plan. We live in a small town, where there is only ONE assisted living home, so the options become to look outside the area (which entails driving distances to visit;arranging for doctors visits etc) ....or to make accomodations back here...at CedarHill.

That is the thing about CedarHill. It has always seemed to expand to create space for what was needed at the time. When Mother was here and Gila Aging needed offices, they used the downstairs apartments years ago as their headquarters. When medical students need a place to stay for 6 weeks, or mining engineers need housing. When Megan needed a place to get married or travelers have wanted to find a weekend get-away. It seems this house JUST accomodates what is needed. So, Mother is coming home this week and CedarHill - will transition from B&B to Eldercare - for awhile. I've given up trying to put time-frames on most things. Especially when it comes to the care of one's parents. It is an ever moving target with new issues and aha's. I know this is true generally - and not just in my case, because I have talked to so many friends...and strangers....who share with me their own stories of elder-care.

I read some buddhist statement that related very well to the mind-set with this stage. We (meaning the caregivers) create stress for ourselves because we want to control the situation...KNOW the outcome...direct the conclusion. And when it comes to aging parents, the healthcare system in the country...and our own aptitudes... we do better to LET GO of the outcome and just adjust to the moment. Much like our aging parents are struggling to do as well. It goes against the grain of our american-raised fiber.  I do OK with it some days. And others I do not. That's when I just hold my breathe. 

That must be why buddhists remind us to breathe in and breathe out. Amazing how that clears the mind. 

The house is ready, and I have the good fortune to have two great caretakers signed on to help me. Plus the State has agreed to help with in-home healthcare. I'm starting a new CATEGORY entitled "The  darndest things". It will be my way of sharing life -mine and others- as it relates to caring for one's parents. It's kind of like a baby blog.........but in reverse. You may get tired of the stories or the photos....so you can skip this category if you want.